This month I think I should start by telling you how desperately I wanted to have you. My entire life I’ve been told that I may never be able to have children and that thought was absolutely heartbreaking. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, but I wasn’t entirely sure this body of mine would be strong enough to provide for you. Sometimes I look at you and still can’t believe you’re actually here. When you’re old enough to read and understand the things I’ve written, I want you to know how loved you are and what a miracle it is that we have you.
Before you were born I used to lay awake at night trying to imagine what you would look like. Would you have my eyes? Would you have your dad’s nose? When you were finally born you were nothing like I imagined — you were so much more! Before seeing you, it was impossible for my mind to conceive the idea that anyone could be SO BEAUTIFUL! My entire life I’ve heard parents say that they have the cutest kids in the world. There were times that I wasn’t sure whether or not they honestly believed it or if they felt somehow obligated to say it. Now that I’m a parent myself I realize that anytime a parent has ever uttered those words they were said with the purest honesty. Morgan, I sincerely believe that you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.
In the past month I haven’t felt very well (more about this later) and twice you’ve also come down with a runny nose and an upset tummy. Most sick babies are absolutely miserable to be around and let’s face it, you get a bit more fussy and clingy than usual but you’re still an angel. You don’t understand what’s making you feel so yucky, but between your cries of discomfort you’re smiling and laughing like, I’m so happy and cute but WHAT IS THAT TERRIBLE FEELING??? I don’t mind when you’re clingy because cuddling with you has quickly moved to the top of my list of favorite things to do. Right along with smelling the top of your head and nibbling on your chubby cheeks…or pretty much any other part of your body I can get in my mouth. Your little fat rolls are just-oh-so-enticing and sometimes it’s very hard to stop myself from gobbling you right up. But I haven’t given in and eaten you quite yet. How awkward would it be, when someone inquired to your whereabouts, to have to admit that I ate you. Eeshk!
You are changing and growing so quickly, it’s unbelievable! It seems like you are learning something new every single day. Those near giggles have turned into full belly laughs. Those hands that used to stay balled into fists near your face or stuffed in your mouth are now open and exploring everything they touch. You coo more and more every day and you’re really finding your voice. Your daddy and I love to sit and listen to your “stories”. But in finding that voice of yours, you’ve also learned that you can screech. Can we please talk about the screeching? When is that going to stop? It’s not quite a squeal of delight nor is it a cry of discomfort, it’s just a loud high-pitched scream. The first few times I heard this noise I came rushing to your side to be sure everything was okay. You quickly learned that it grabs my attention and now it’s become a game for you. As I leave the room you screech and just wait for me to come back, then you wave your arms and smile when you see me. Since I know this is what you’re doing, that you’re not really sad or uncomfortable, I could easily just go about my business but the look of pure ecstasy on your face each time I come back to you is more than I can resist.
Morgan, sometimes it may take longer than others, but I will ALWAYS come back to you.